I get stuck in my own head sometimes; tangled up in thoughts and ruminations over hypocrisy, injustice, and unfairness. When this happens, my mind feels like the gnarled, twisting, seemingly endless entwined limbs of a vast tree.

It’s so hard to shake this when I feel that someone “got away” with doing something wrong; that there haven’t been appropriate consequences for harmful actions. Fueled by indignation, I fantasize about calling them out, letting others know what they’ve done, and exacting revenge for their wrongdoing.

I’m not a vigilante, so the vengeful take-down fantasies won’t come to fruition. When people go low I really, really try to go high. But damn they make it difficult (and so does my ego-fueled mind).

It’s so hard to accept that the only behavior I can control is my own and that ultimately everyone has to live with themselves. It’s also worthy of note that I am not perfect; I’ve made mistakes, and maybe there’s somebody out there who’s stewing about me “not deserving” the life I’m currently blessed with.

Most of us were raised to “play fair” and our culture is saturated with superheroes, fairy tales, and stories of good triumphing over evil where the hero wins, harmony and balance are restored, and the Ewoks throw a party – you know the drill.

But this is simply untrue; life doesn’t work like this. There’s no cosmic justice playing out in our current reality – bad things happen, including to “good” people; to people who “don’t deserve” it. We grow up being spoonfed a fantasy, so it’s no wonder we feel confused, frustrated, and even gaslighted as adults when we’re faced with the fact that “fairness” is a fallacy.

It’s pointless for me to keep rehashing my resentments around this – I’m working on keeping my side of the street clean; letting go and moving on…